God is [Still] Good

Here's a blog post a wrote a few weeks ago and never got around to posting, I think because I was heartbroken over the loss of our cat, Taro, who passed away just days after I penned this.  The vet suspects that he actually had a brain tumor as he started displaying many of the same symptoms mentioned below, lost his sense of smell along with sight and was having little ear-twitching seizures.  We miss him dearly but still trust that the Lord is good and that his passing, while it was not the answer we hoped for, was still an answer to prayer.  We are grateful for the few days in between his vet visits when he was back to being our normal Taro, and his purr could be heard from every corner of the house. Those days are special moments I will always cherish.  Without further ado, here's the blog I wrote in early November:

______________________

Happy November! I love November; the weather is crisp but not too chilly and my husband’s birthday is just around the corner.  I have fond memories of this time of year from when Phil and I first started dating (October 3, 1998…18 years ago) and I get so excited that the holiday season is approaching.  So, all good things.  

 

Happy Birthday, Daddy!

The past few weeks have been pretty good.  Halloween was a blast! We were able to go to Phil’s work again for trick-or-treating on Friday and then Monday was the actual event. Mads (and Sarah) got to dress up for school in the morning,  and they both went out in costume trick-or-treating in our new neighborhood and then Maddie wore her costume to Cubbies later in the evening, too.  It was a full day full of lots of candy. They both loved ringing the “ding bells,” as they call them and Sarah’s little voice saying, “Happy Halloween,” to each person was even sweeter than all the sugar we consumed.  We all had a fun time. 

 

Little Bo Peep and her sheep in their homemade costumes. 

The weekend prior to that, I was able to go on a women’s retreat with my church and it was so refreshing.  I am overwhelmingly grateful to Phil for watching the girls all weekend while I was gone, which is no small task, and doing it with a joyful heart and a smile.  If any of it was a struggle, he didn’t complain to me about it.  

At daddy's work! 

Working hard or hardly working? 

It was nice to get away, though, and to reflect on the season of life the Lord has me in, what my true identity is and where I stand currently in my spiritual journey.  I had time to pray and be alone with God without interruptions, to sing as I walked through God’s beautiful creation and to fellowship with some really wonderful women.  Aside from the distraction of the bed bugs we found the last night, it was a really great trip (and, despite all my worries, I didn’t end up with a single bite!). 

I came home, though, to a very sick cat.  Taro (12) did not look like he was going to make it through the night, having gone blind and appearing like he would collapse at any moment, but he pulled through and, when I was able to bring him to the vet, we discovered he needed some antibiotics and blood pressure medication.  He was in some significant pain from a UTI making him unable to empty his bladder and causing his BP to spike so high that he went temporarily blind.  The vet thinks he will regain his sight and he is already seeming much better. It truly was an answer to prayer that he pulled through! This cat has used up 4 of his 9 lives.  Sheesh! 

 

Rest in peace, Taro. You were a joy. A sweet cat with a shaking tail, a purr heard across the  neighborhood, emerald eyes of beauty and a snuggler who, despite some expensive vet bills, never gave us any trouble at all.  We will miss you and hope you and Titus are warm and cuddled up with each other.  Thanks for really great 12 years. 

We are still in a state of thankfulness for our new home, which I pray will never cease, and looking forward to hopefully having some friends and relatives over during the upcoming thanksgiving and Christmas season.  In the meantime, I’ll just hang back and continue trying to juggle our crazy schedule with doctor appointments, work and birthdays, and pray that God continues to remind me of His presence in my everyday life.  

Blessed beyond Measure September 30, 2016

My children are both napping right now in our new home, which we have, as of today, been in for a month.  I can’t believe it’s been month! 

My friend, Vicky Ras, gifted us her time photographing our family in front of out new home and a framed photograph (not the one pictured) of our old home and new house.  She is so talented and we LOVE her so much. 

It was quite the summer full of ups and downs.  The sale of our old home initially falling through, and us subsequently losing the contract on the new house we thought was our dream and forever home. We got through stolen (and recovered) phones and safety concerns, and the death of very dearly loved family members.  We prayed through inspections and appraisals and praised through won bidding-wars and ultimately closed on both homes on Aug 31: selling the house where my children first learned to walk, speak, play, and where I first saw their smiles,  and buying the home where my children now run laps, swing, climb flights of stairs and giggle giggle giggle (my favorite sound in the whole world).  We are so blessed. 

All packed up and ready to go! 

UNDERDOG!!! The kids playing on their new set in the backyard

Maddie started 4-year-old preschool a couple weeks ago and is thriving.  Her teacher is incredible and gives Maddie so much attention.  Mads has become so active and has perfected the art of climbing up mom and flipping while I hold her hands.  She does a mean summersault, too, so think gymnastics is in her future.  She is quite the story-teller, too, and I just adore listening to all she has to say, especially while we are in the car.  She is developing a love for photography and is actually really good at taking pictures. Hopefully we can foster this talent as she gets older too. 

My cutie patootie on her first day! 

Meet the teacher.

Gillies (as Maddie calls her), AKA Sarah, is such a silly-gilly girl.  She has an infectious laugh and her vocabulary is growing beyond belief.  She keeps up with conversations and the two girls can actually talk with one another.  Sarah has taken a liking to repeating just about everything that Maddie says, which I am sure Mads will love as she gets older (ha!) and tries as hard as she can to keep up with her big sis.  I adore watching the two of them play together.  

Beauties (another moment captured by Vicky Ras)

Recently, they love chit chatting on their play phones.  Maddie will tell Sarah something as they are walking around on their “cells” and Sarah will say, “Why?” and Maddie will answer and then say something like, “ Hold on a sec. The phone is breaking up.”  Adorbs.  

Our final family picture in front of the house I brought my babies home to after they were born. 

All four of us are just so pleased to be where we are: we are sleeping soundly from day one and feel so safe, secure, and have a true sense the this is exactly where God wants us to be.  Our furniture fit so perfectly into each room, and our artwork on the walls.  Neither Sarah nor Maddie had a minute’s trouble adjusting and Sarah even surprised us by naturally weaning herself from her pacifier with not more than a few minute’s of crying only 2 days after we moved. 

Pacifier-free before her second birthday -- Show off.  

My sewing corner is set up, our boxes are unpacked, I found Phil’s childhood blankie!!!!, both Phil and I are doing well in our respective jobs, our marriage is just SO SO GOOD, Maddie loves her school, Sarah has been seizure-free since January, and I know I said it already, but we feel SO BLESSED. 

I’ll leave it at that. 

Sisterhood

I just wanted to take a minute to write about my two beautiful, precious, lovely girls. I won't have time to add pictures to this post, which I am sad about, but I am at least glad to finally get some text on paper. Maddie and Sarah are both dolls and both trouble! They love each other so much (I catch them hugging several times a day, unprompted), but they both get very frustrated with one another, too.  They are struggling with sharing toys right now, but we are working through it, and sometimes Maddie gets overly excited and doesn’t realize how rough she is playing with Sarah.  This has led to a few tackles, chest-pump-fall-downs, bumped noggins and smaller-child-being-thrown-to-the-ground-mid-ring-around-the-rosy.  They are a joy to watch and I am so glad we had them so close together in age so they can grow up and play with each other.

Sarah has learned so much from her big sister and is such a smarty! She had a 20 month check-up recently and the doctor commented on her verbal skills.  She already talks in full sentences and knows probably over 100 words, so I was shocked that by the age of 2, toddlers are only expected to be starting to put 2 words together and know up to 15.  She also knows almost all of her ABC’s and can count above 10 (maybe to 13 or 14, then she mumbles and excitedly says, “20!”).  She follows Maddie (or as Sarah calls her, “Mannie”) around, climbing over all types of terrain, resulting in many “boo-boos” but she is really good at keeping up. She is a respectful little girl, graciously saying, “thank you, mama” when I put a bow on her Minnie’s head for her, and asks for things with an unprompted “please.” Her favorite response to every things we say is, “why?” especially when we are telling her she can’t go outside in the backyard.  She loves loves loves Luka-boy and every morning gives him a hug and says, “Luka Boy! He’s soft.” Then, “He tickles me,” when his tail hits her during a wag.   One trait I wish I could alter is her desire to lick EVERYTHING.  The carts at the grocery stores, windows, table tops and, my favorite, the car tire.  As I was loading Maddie into her car seat, I glanced over and caught her in the act and I said, “No, Sarah! Don’t lick the tire! That’s yuck-yuck.”  Maddie responded, as she has been recently pointing out all of the things that she DIDN’T do wrong, by stating, “Mom, I didn’t lick the tire.” I know, Mannie.  I know.  I actually found myself responding with words I never thought I would speak, “Thank you, Maddie, for not licking the tire.” 

 Maddie, my smart cookie, as I call her, is a little daredevil.  She is constantly climbing on everything she can find and jumping off of it as high as she can.  She says she wants to jump high and touch the ceiling: her current goal in life.  She is continually talking about growing up and becoming a grown up and says with excitement, “I’ll grow up and be a grown up and touch the ceiling.”  Yesterday, while sitting on the toilet, she was over-the-top- happy when telling me, “look mama! I’m not falling in! I don’t need the princess seat anymore.  I’m growing up right on this potty.  I’m going to be a grown up and touch the ceiling!” That’s wonderful, Maddie.  Can you please pee now? When she is not balancing on toilet seats and jumping off of tree stumps, she is perfecting her summersaults and pedaling her bike.  Her favorite outdoor activity, though, is riding in her red car, affectionately known as the beep-beep.  She parks the car by the house and then backs out of the spot, announces that she’s going to target, and drives the car about 15 feet to our rock pit.  Upon arriving at the “store” she gets out and shops for rocks, putting them in the back of the car, before driving back home and re-parking the car.  This happens over and over again and I just love watching it.  It doesn’t get old.  Maddie has memorized several books and loves to read to us, but it’s the most endearing when I catch her reciting the pages to Sarah.  So so sweet.  The memory on this girl is unbelievable.  I was amazed by how many bible verses she memorized during the year in Cubbies, but the verses were always short.  One evening, at dinner, Maddie said she wanted to say the “our Father” prayer.  I had said the Lord’s prayer with her a few times before bed the previous week, but maybe only a total of 5 times.  So, I was shocked when she proceeded to recite the entire prayer on her own.  Amazing. I teared up, of course, listening to my baby recite so many verses of scripture. I am one proud mama!

 

Let’s see: other events in the life: We are in the midst of trying to sell our house.  We had an offer on it after only a week on the market, but it all fell through because of a bad appraisal.  We were so sad, but looking forward to what God has in store for us going forward.  We are currently negotiating another offer, so we are prayerful that the Lord will bring this one to completion. 

 Sarah is healing from a bought of Hand, foot, and mouth disease.  The poor thing had a rough week, but she is on the mend and doing much better.  I felt like I was raising a drug addict, at one point, though. I had been giving her ibuprofen for pain management for a couple of days and, one morning, she woke up with a raspy voice due to the blisters in her throat. I set her down on the kitchen floor to get her some milk when, in what sounded like a miniature smoker’s voice, she requested, “ medicine please.”  I about died of laughter. 

These girls are so fun! They love to dress-up as princesses, role-play Minie-rella, dance, SING!!!!!, have pretend birthday parties, and are always together. Always.  And I know they always will be. 

 

Fear in the Midst of Seizures, But our Spirits Flooded with Joy

Wednesday, February 3, 2016

The past few months have felt like a whirlwind! So much has changed and so much has happened.  December began with Sarah having a 48 hour EEG done, which was difficult to say the least. And it ended with our basement flooding.  Each of those events deserves its own blog post, but I just haven’t had time to sit down and write it all out.  What I will say, though, is that we are truly witnessing the Lord’s mighty and redemptive hand in all He is doing and allowing to happen within our family’s lives and within our home.  

Can you see all that water?

Most of our friends and family know about Sarah’s first seizure in August, but not every one is aware of her subsequent episodes.  She had her second in early November while we were at church.  One of the greeters, Mike, rushed into the sanctuary while were were praying to get me and, upon hearing the news, I raced to the nursery where I found Sarah still shaking in one of the nursery worker’s arms.  I took her and held her until she woke up and we then brought her home. The Neurologist, who we saw the following day, ordered a 48-hour EEG, which was done in our home and allowed us to be no more than 2 feet away from Sarah at all times.  The results returned normal and we were hopeful that this was again just a rare occurrence caused by the fact that she was ill the day before she seized.  

She's such a trooper! The hardest part was sleeping with this thing on.  She had to be in our room so we could make sure the cords wouldn't wrap around her neck. 

Other than those struggles, she just played like nothing was different.  She even learned to say the words, "back pack." 

 

All was well until last week when Sarah came down with the stomach flu.  Phil and I were expecting her to have a seizure given her history of episodes following illness, particularly illness during which she has vomited. So, when I saw her body turn rigid upon standing up next to our dresser, I knew immediately what was happening.  We were calm enough to remember to videotape the event, which our doctors praised us for later, and I even methodically removed her firm grip from the dresser drawer and carefully laid her in my lap, stroking her hair as she convulsed. It lasted about a minute and a half, her lips turning blue, her eyes rolled back and her hands in tight fists, until she woke up, taking in a gulp of air and finally looking around the room, exhausted.  I was exhausted, too.  But Phil and I felt a sense of relief after this seizure.  The fact that she did have one while being sick further confirmed our suspicion that her seizures are caused by illness. We also were happy to have the event behind us and we were ready to get on with our day after a quick trip to the pediatrician and a call to the neurologist.  

Little did we know that Sarah would proceed to have two more seizures within the next 36 hours: one the next morning when I was lifting her into her high chair and the second later that evening when were were playing in her room.  The latter was the scariest of the three, though.  She had just lifted herself up to standing next to the rocking chair and we didn’t realize she had begun to seize until after her straight-as-a-board little body had already started to fall backwards towards the floor, three inches from the corner of the dresser.  Thankfullly, the room was carpeted and she suffered no injuries (Praise the Lord), but 3 seizures within 36 hours still warrants a trip to the ER, so off we went.  

The child life specialist at the hospital helped to make us feel "at home" by bringing lots of toys to play with and a cuddly blanket to snuggle with.

At the hospital, Sarah and I waited 2 hours before getting looked at and another 3 before finally getting admitted to a room.  The next two days were full of tears, little sleep, loneliness, fear, but in the midst of it all, unexplainable joy! Our little Sarah endured lots of poking, prodding, waking in the middle of the night for vital checks, another EEG (normal!!!) and an MRI (normal!) and my thoughts and emotions were all over the place through it all, but at the end of the day, I was peaceful.  

We spent the majority of our days like this. 

We have such an amazing community of support! We had hundreds of people within our churches (Village Church of Bartlett and Holy Resurrection Orthodox Church) praying for us, people we’ve never met in Mexico (connected through our church), people all across the country who heard about our little Beara from facebook, over a hundred other christians from a friend’s church, parents of friends, friends of parents…I could go on.  I think there are probably thousands of people praying for us.  Can you imagine the peace and joy this brings to a mother’s heart knowing how many people are lifting up her daughter to the Almighty Father?  Unexplainable joy. Unspeakable peace.  

Danielle came to my rescue! She brought me a sandwich  for dinner the night we arrived at the ER and then took the day off of work and came back the next day with shower supplies for me and toys and books for Sarah. She was the distraction and support I needed to keep me sane and the perfect advocate for when the doctors came and my mind was overwhelmed and I couldn't think of the questions to ask.  I am so sad to not have gotten a picture of my friend, Puja, who visited and brought me a change of clothes for Sarah to go home in and a shoulder to weep on right after we came back from the MRI, and my other sister, Laura, who went to the store and bought some new toys and a coloring book for Sarah and kept me company for hours Monday night. I love you all dearly!

Smiling after a very restless night! 

We left the hospital after two days, aching to see Phil and Maddie. We just missed them so much! 

Mads and Daddy took a trip to Target to buy a Doc McStuffins DVD while we were away.  I'm glad they could spend some Daddy Daughter alone time together. It seems like they had so much fun!

We were given a prescription for Keppra, which we decided was the best thing to do for Sarah in order to prevent injury due to falls from losing control of her body, and a diagnosis of a Seizure Disorder (the new way of saying “epilepsy”).  The next couple of days were difficult as we struggled to get the dosage right to lessen the side effects (Sarah was having some trouble with coordination for a couple of days), but after a little while, well, she's back to being Sarah! We are so blessed by this experience! To feel the sense of love surround us in our time of need and to feel God’s hand in control of the situation and leading us in His wisdom to do what's best for our (His) daughter…His blessings are too great for words. So, like I said, God redeemed this and is using it for good and we are grateful to Him for it.  

...Like nothing ever happened (sporting the way-too-cool-for-school pants bought by Puja!)

And the basement! How little a flooded basement matters in the midst of a health crisis, but I don’t want to not give praise for the blessings He has given us through this trial, too.  Our walls are finally going up this week and we are looking forward to having new paint on the walls soon.  I posted to Facebook shortly after the flood occurred saying that I was excited to see how the Lord would provide for our space. 

This is a panorama view of our basement after the walls were ripped out. It's been like this for about a month. 

Walls going up!!! 

Over the course of the next few weeks we were blessed by several unexpected gifts from friends and family to help us finance our “remodel.” One gift came the day we got the proposal from the contractor for the drywall - it was the exact amount we needed to cover the expense! We paid a lot out of pocket, but are seeing other ways the Lord is helping us to recover those expenses (ex: my norwex business and a higher than expected tax-return, just to name a couple). We were blessed through the people who came into our home to help with the clean-up, too (the workers were Christians and encouraged us and went above and beyond when working in our home). I had a clear moment the day after the flood as I gazed out at all of our belongings on the curb that had been destroyed by sewage and I felt the Holy Spirit whisper to me, “See how much I’ve blessed you?” It brought tears to my eyes as I recalled all of the gifts the Lord has given me and some shame, too, as I realized how little I was trusting Him in that moment. 

Memories are within our hearts, not our belongings. 

Job 1:21 “Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked shall I return. The LORD gave, and the LORD has taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD.”

Who am I to not trust in the Lord’s provision for the future? Who am I to not thank Him for the temporary things I once owned? 

So, reflecting on both of these events, I am so thankful to God for CLEARLY teaching me to trust in Him.  He is fully in control of every situation. I am learn-I-N-G to lean on Him, to let go of the reigns, to breathe and trust in the power of prayer, to remember that He loves my daughter even more than i do and to believe that he REDEEMS ALL THINGS FOR GOOD! (even when we can’t see it in the moment) 

Romans 8:28 And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.

REUNITED!!!! We are so happy to be home and resuming normalcy.

Psalm 34

I will bless the Lord at all times;

    his praise shall continually be in my mouth.

2 

My soul makes its boast in the Lord;

    let the humble hear and be glad.

3 

Oh, magnify the Lord with me,

    and let us exalt his name together!

4 

I sought the Lord, and he answered me

    and delivered me from all my fears.

5 

Those who look to him are radiant,

    and their faces shall never be ashamed.

6 

This poor man cried, and the Lord heard him

    and saved him out of all his troubles.

7 

The angel of the Lord encamps

    around those who fear him, and delivers them.

8 

Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good!

    Blessed is the man who takes refuge in him!

9 

Oh, fear the Lord, you his saints,

    for those who fear him have no lack!

10 

The young lions suffer want and hunger;

    but those who seek the Lord lack no good thing.

11 

Come, O children, listen to me;

    I will teach you the fear of the Lord.

12 

What man is there who desires life

    and loves many days, that he may see good?

13 

Keep your tongue from evil

    and your lips from speaking deceit.

14 

Turn away from evil and do good;

    seek peace and pursue it.

15 

The eyes of the Lord are toward the righteous

    and his ears toward their cry.

16 

The face of the Lord is against those who do evil,

    to cut off the memory of them from the earth.

17 

When the righteous cry for help, the Lord hears

    and delivers them out of all their troubles.

18 

The Lord is near to the brokenhearted

    and saves the crushed in spirit.

19 

Many are the afflictions of the righteous,

    but the Lord delivers him out of them all.

20 

He keeps all his bones;

    not one of them is broken.

21 

Affliction will slay the wicked,

    and those who hate the righteous will be condemned.

22 

The Lord redeems the life of his servants;

    none of those who take refuge in him will be condemned.