Weaning

Thursday, August 29, 2013

Ending breastfeeding is painful: emotionally and physically.  Last night, I nursed Maddie before bedtime for the last time. I was debating on whether to cut out the morning or the nighttime feeding first, and finally rested on the night for a couple of reasons:

Oh, how I love these moments.

1.     I think it will ease my transition. I really enjoy rocking Maddie and nursing her when she is sleepy, so you would think that this is the last one I would want to cut out.  I guess that I am guarding my heart.  I know that if I am down to just one feeding a day and that one is the night, I will want to prolong it and keep nursing Maddie forever, dreading the last feeding.  This has been such an emotional process and if I end with a nighttime feeding, it will only be more emotional for me. So, I choose to have the morning one be the last.  I don’t know if that makes any sense, but it does to me, so I’m doing it.

2.     She is less cooperative at night. I think that she sometimes isn’t necessarily hungry before bed but nurses for comfort or habit, so she often is very uncooperative and distracted when I try to nurse her before bedtime.  So, if I keep the morning nursing, I am basically guaranteed that she will eat and I’ll be able to enjoy having a nice, long, wonderful bonding moment with her.  At night, she is so fidgeting and distracted and the feeding is usually very quick. I mean, it is pretty funny.  Phil got to witness Maddie’s funny nighttime pose the other day.  She stands up on my lap and twists her body so she is almost upside-down while trying to nurse.  Haha.  Oh, Madelynn.

What more can you ask for? 

3.     I think the final transition from nursing only once to not nursing at all will be easier for Maddie if we end it with the morning one. Maddie is accustomed to having a sippy cup with her lunch and dinner meals, so I am hoping that she will transition quickly and easily from nursing and then eating breakfast to having milk with breakfast. 

Yes, I realize that I am probably over-thinking all of this, but when you have been lovingly snuggling and enjoying gazing at your daughter while nursing for over a year, it is hard not to think about it.  Plus, while I thought weaning would be a lot more painful than it’s been, it is uncomfortable. The pain throughout the day reminds me that soon, in about a week, I won’t be sharing that special time with Mads anymore.  I have about 7 sessions to look forward to. Seven. That’s not a lot.

I haven’t cried, yet, although I am tearing up while I write this. I am trying to be strong. I am trying to tell myself that Maddie is a big girl now. She loves the sippy cup and she is ready for cows milk, so it is a good time to move on. But, I wonder if she’ll miss me. I know I am going to miss those special moments with her, but I am really enjoying sitting in the rocking chair and giving her milk in a sippy cup, too.  I am enjoying reading to her while she drinks all by herself and eats her snack during the day. I am, most of all, loving watching her become more independent, although it pinches at my heart a little, too. 

Such a big girl!

But, this is what I am here for: to prepare her to be her own little person. I just hope and pray that I am able to lead her far enough in her journey so that when I finally let go, she finds herself running straight to the arms of the Father, seeking after Him with all of her heart and dependent on no earthly person, but only His Majesty. Weaning Maddie may not seem related to her spiritual journey, but the feeling of letting her go as she grows into a big girl reminds me that God has entrusted me with my child and I am dedicated to raising her not only physically, but, more importantly, spiritually.

In the meantime, one more week. One more week.

Now my tears flow. 

Longing for the Calm. Joyful in the Storm.

Friday, August 23, 13

I thought things would start to calm down after Maddie’s birthday party, but they have been crazy! At times, I felt very overwhelmed by everything that was going on, but God is faithful. He is teaching me about patience, endurance, joy and His provision amidst all of the stress. 

First, we were visited by a mouse in the house last Wednesday and, while Dr. Seuss might think this a moment for a delicious meal, we immediately stopped eating our dinner and went into mouse-catching mode.  It was chaotic chasing the mouse through the kitchen, behind the fridge, into the living room and trying to corner it with a metal bowl and an empty oatmeal container, but we finally outran the little stinker.  Phil (to the rescue!!!) caught the mouse in the oatmeal container and released it outside.  Phew! We took a breathe: a sigh of relief. Then, off to small group I went!

How can you not love this face? 

As most of my friends and family know, I L.O.V.E. my small group. I look forward to the fellowship with the women from church and gaining a deeper understanding of God and His word through communication and sharing differing perspectives.  And, the ladies I share this time with are just the best – I love them all! So, as you can imagine, I was deeply saddened when I found out last Wednesday night that our small group wouldn’t be meeting anymore.  I see God opening doors for me to connect with my new church through this change, but the end of my Wednesday night Bible study doesn’t come without tears.  God has used this group to grow me so much in the past year and I am really going to miss it.

So, then Thursday rolled around and I noticed a few spots on my stomach.  Huh.  Over the course of the next couple of days, I discovered that the spots were hives that popped up due to an antibiotic I had been taking.  Sheesh.  These thinkgs were brutal! They spread so quickly and extensively.  By Friday, I was covered from head to toe with red, itchy welts.  They were everywhere but my face. My chest looked like it was sunburned because there were so many and they had all merged into one, giant, hive-y mass.  I was not pretty.  On Saturday, I got a prescription for a steroid and they started to clear up almost as quickly as they had spread, but those couple of days were rough. 

I also went to the dentist on Friday to have a temporary crown made for my front tooth.  While the outcome was good and the tooth looked nice at the end of the appointment, it was not the most pleasant of experiences.  Between the yanking feeling as the dentist pulled and the cracking sounds as he broke off the pieces of the old crown I had on there, I was petrified.  I also made the mistake of asking to see what remained of my tooth once he finally got the old crown off.  Well, let’s just say that it is not pretty.  Mistake mistake mistake. 

Meanwhile, I have been weaning Maddie from breastfeeding. This topic deserves a blog post of it’s own, but I will just summarize by saying that it has been emotional.  I am down to just the morning and nighttime feedings now. So, I’m enjoying the freedom of not worrying about where, when and if I will be able to feed Maddie during the day while in public. Sippy cups are so much easier than trying to get Maddie under a blanket in a quiet room with no distractions.  On the other hand, every time I do nurse her, I find myself sentimental and emotional as I realize that in just a few short weeks, Maddie and I will be moving onto the next stage. She’s growing up too fast.  ::sigh::

 

My princess jumped from the 5th percentile to the 25th percentile in weight at her 1 year check-up.  I couldn't believe that she fit into this little jacket that seemed so big when we first bought it.  

So, last week was just nuts, but I feel like things are calming down a little bit and we are getting back into our routine again as of this week.  I finally found some time to do some cleaning, I read a chapter in a book, Maddie and I went for a trip to the petting zoo with some of our friends and we have spent tons and tons of time playing, singing and dancing.  I resumed my running and became more diligent with my Bible memorization, too.  At our last small group meeting, I recited Matthew 5 (the first chapter of the sermon on the mount) for my friends. Praise God for hiding even more of His word in my Heart and giving me the endurance to finish this chapter.

Ah, and that brings us to Thursday.  Puja came over to celebrate Maddie’s birthday since she wasn’t able to make it to the party (she was out of town). It was a blast.  Puja made cupcakes and ordered pizza for us. We sang to Mads and watched her stuff her face with funfetti and chocolate.  Then, we opened presents.  Puja and Shu got Mads a nice, winter jacket, a snuggly blanket and some new sippy cups. It was so fun having another celebration. 

 

"Mmmmm. Delicious!" 

Oh, and another fabulous gift came from Erica and Tim this week. Or, should I say that I went to retrieve it.  Ha! Oh, Erica…. She sent it to house #11 instead of 10, so I walked down the street and kindly asked for the box.  Well, when I opened it, I was super jealous.  They were adorable shoes, Nike brand, green and purple with Maddie’s initials on them: MKJ.  She looks so cute wearing her new sneakers. I can’t wait until she can walk and is running around in them. 

 

"Mom, back away from the shoes.  I'm serious. These are mine," 

Well, here’s to a relaxing weekend.  I feel like we’ve earned it after all of the craziness that’s been going on.  We’ll see if there are any more surprises.  

Maddie's First Birthday

Monday, August 12, 2013

Wow! What a week! Last Wednesday was Maddie’s first birthday and her party was this Saturday.  Phil and I cannot believe how quickly the time seems to have past. 

On Maddie’s birthday, instead of entering her room in the morning singing, “This is the Day that The Lord Has Made,” I erupted singing “Happy Birthday,” while Madelynn listened intently.  And later that night, Phil and I served her with homemade cupcakes and gave her the two small gifts that we bought for her (stacking rings and a fisher price telephone). Phil and I both had these toys when we were growing up, so we were excited for her to share the same experience.

 

Playing with some classic toys

Maddie enjoying her cupcake on her First Birthday. 

The days in between Maddie’s actual birthday and her party were spent preparing for the big event.  I sewed and Phil and I cleaned and cooked feverishly.  Saturday morning, we woke up early, but still felt rushed as we assembled the sub sandwiches as guests were arriving.  My dad swooped into the rescue and helped us out.  (Thanks, Dad!).  We finally got all the food on the table (i.e. homemade salsa, pasta salad, pulled pork, subs, chips, dip, a veggie platter from my mom….etc), Phil led us in a prayer, thanking God for our sweet, beautiful girl, and the party began.  We had such a good time mingling with family and friends and are so grateful that so many people were able to come celebrate with us.  Maddie did great being passed around and didn’t seem to mind wearing the dress (seen in the picture below) that I had made for her (when I first tried it on her the day before, she screamed and tried to take it off.  Hahahaha).  We were blessed with lots of gifts: mostly clothes (yay!), but my sister, Laura, bought Maddie a water table, which she LOVES, and Danielle gave Maddie a puzzle along with pants (wootwoot),wrapped in the same wrapping paper that was used at my first birthday party (she found it at a garage sale and saved it for years!).  Andres gave Mads a Washington DC book, since Phil likes to boast that Madelynn will be the first female president (sorry, Hillary) and a Clifford book. My parents also contributed to Maddie’s stock fund, so her account is starting to climb. We are overwhelmed by everyone’s generosity.  We love you all! Thank you so much.

I love this picture of Maddie and her Auntie Danielle.

Everyone gathered around to watch Maddie open gifts. There were so many! We just love all of her adorable new outfits!

We are so blessed to have such wonderful friends and family to celebrate with us. 

Maddie and her two grandpas. 

The highlight of the party, though, was definitely the “happy birthday” song and the cake.  We all gathered around Maddie in her highchair and, when the singing began, Mads sat there stunned, slowly scanning the crowd from right to left as she tried to figure out what the heck all these people were doing.  As soon as the singing stopped, she screamed and clapped.  It was fabulous.  Maddie’s Great Grandma (AKA Mocket) sang her traditional Happy Birthday song and the Joneses “hopped, skipped and jumped around the table” to their birthday tune, too.  We had a great time. 

Maddie used to wear a poncho that prompted us to call her our "little muchacha." This title eventually morphed into "Muchachita" and has stuck ever since. 

Clapping for all of the beautiful voices after the birthday song

"That was amazing!!!" 

Then, came the cake.  Since Phil and I call Maddie our “Muchachita”, we had the cake inscribed accordingly. Mads had her own little smash cake, but she didn’t quite smash it.  She carefully and methodically dipped her fingertips into the frosting and tasted the sugar.  She did this a few times while we all waited eagerly for her to realize how delicious the cake was and then tear it apart.  Well, she got a little messy, but nothing crazy.  I loved watching her as she displayed her personality through her cake-eating-technique. Next came the sugar rush and subsequent crash as our family and friends all departed after opening gifts.

Starting with just a little taste....

And, sugar rush begins in 3, 2, 1....now!

It was a perfect day: perfect weather, wonderful guests and the center of it, our sweet baby girl.  We loved every moment of it. Thank you to everyone who made Maddie’s day extra special. 

Obstacles, Treasures and Dreams

Friday, August 2, 2013

You know how thoughts come to you in the shower? I was thinking about writing my blog and envisioned it starting, “As I sit in my backyard on this cool, summer morning, I remember my own…..”  Then I started thinking about my childhood and writing down my thoughts, so I didn’t actually make it outside because I was too excited to get started.  Let’s pretend that I am not sitting in my bedroom writing, but that a warm summer breeze (a zephyr, dare I say?) is weaving its way through my hair and in between my fingers as I reminisce.

I see the large, wooden play set that my dad built that still stands to this day and I remember running “obstacle courses” through it: up the webbed rope, down the slide, along the bridge and sprinting to the top.  I can’t believe the bridge hasn’t collapsed after all of these years of us catapulting each other from it while screaming, “donkey log!” Why we screamed donkey log….I don’t think we will ever know.  Cherry bomb was also a favorite game of ours. Oh, and we loved swinging as high as we could just to see if we could get one of the swing-set’s legs to jump off the ground on one of our up-swings.

I see the strange tree with the hollowed-out trunk near our back fence where we used to play house.  I always wanted to be the mom or…. the sick kid.  It was always one or the other.  Ha! And, I had a broom that I would use to sweep out the dirt floor. We truly had imaginations when we were little.

I see the decapitated Barbies strewn along the yard. Our dog, Rex, used to love to chew on their heads, but we kept them and played with them anyway.  Oh, and who could forget Rooster Barbie?! Danielle certainly did give her a great haircut!

The area behind the shed was our treasure trove. We’d go digging and excavating, expecting to find dinosaur bones, a memory box or something that hadn’t been uncovered for hundreds of years! What we found were some broken mason jars and maybe a coin or two, but we were positive that they were worth a fortune and very, very old.

Our imaginations, as children, bring us to far away places, tell us stories and let us dream about our futures. And, as I “sit outside,” or, rather, imagine myself gazing out into my own, current backyard, I think about all of the things Maddie is going to think up.  Where will her bright, little mind take her? What adventures will she embark upon? We are in for one, fun journey!