The Desires of My Heart

Thursday, April 19, 2018

Do you ever just sit back and realize how full your heart is? Like, take a breath and look at your family and realize just how blessed you are? I’ve been doing this more and more frequently as I watch my kids play on their mats from across the room on my treadmill. Or when I am washing the dishes and see the two big sisters crawling around, hugging and kissing their baby brother.  Or when I return to bed after nursing the baby in the middle of the night and my husband rolls over and gently puts his hand on my hip.  These are moments that are so easily squandered or overlooked, but I am so thankful that God has opened my eyes to see them in the moment.  

Delight yourself in the LORD, 

and he will give you the desires of your heart. Psalm 37:4 

This is a verse that has been streaming through my mind ever since I had the ultrasound and discovered that Peter was a baby boy.  I was overjoyed to be pregnant, despite the difficulty and uncomfortableness of being pregnant; and my heart would have been filled and  overjoyed to find out I was having a third girl, but I did have a deep desire and longing to have a little boy of my own.  

Phil and I had a little difficulty getting pregnant this third time around.  It wasn’t an extreme amount of time to wait, but month after month of negative pregnancy tests was wearing on my spirit. I had been praying, “Lord, allow me to get pregnant,” and soon after seeing it wasn’t happening as easily as it did with the first two, I started to change my prayers to, “Lord, if it’s not your will for me to have a third child, change the desires of my heart.” But the longing remained, not only for another baby, but for a baby boy.  And, in His perfect timing, God granted me that very desire. 

Our baby boulder, as he is affectionately known, brings so much joy and surprises to our every day.  Two teeth popping through a day apart at 5 months old?!? Not what we expected. Rolling around months before the average baby starts moving? yep. Crawling at 7 months when his big sisters didn’t start until around 11? Ok. I simply sit back, observe and am overwhelmed with love for this sweet, little guy.  

So, he is just shy of 8 months now, and he is crawling ALLL. OVER. THE. PLACE. and getting into everything.  And it happened in a day! He figure out how to go forward a couple of paces one morning and by the end of the day, he was zipping around. His favorite past-time, though is definitely removing objects from baskets.  He crawls (on his hands and feet, btw, not on his chubby, yummy knees: I call it his gorilla walk) across the room when he sees a full basket with one intention: remove all objects from within.  He has done this with the dog toys, his baby toys, clothes baskets (as much as he can reach and pull out)…etc.  Now the dog, he’s not a fan of Pete playing with his stuff.  He has precious few toys of his own, so as soon as Cody sees Peter grabbing at his chew toys, Cody walks over, gently removes it from Pete’s hands,  and walks away with it.  

Now, Peter also can get quite worked up when there is something he really wants that may be just out of reach. He will take his palm and pound it against the ground to indicate that he wants something.  He also will do this when I am holding him and he wants milk: he hits me on the chest or back.  Or, if he wants something in his mouth to chew on or suck, he really works himself up.  Sometimes he puts his open mouth on my shoulder and, somewhat aggressively moves his head back and forth as though saying, “I’m desperate! Feed me!!!!” But for all the oomph he expresses in times like these, he also has an affectionate, tender side.  

There is one thing Peter loves more than anything in the world: kisses.  He will be singing or screaming or just being plain loud, but if you start giving him gentle kisses on his cheeks or lips, he stops, stares out longingly like nothing else in the world matters, and just experiences the soft touch against his skin.  And when you stop, he turns to you and leans in for more.  These are some of my favorite moments.  

But there are other moments I love, too, like hearing this boy say Mama or Maaaahm. Madelynn and Sarah both said Dada first - they are their daddy’s girls- but I definitely have a mama’s boy on my hands with little Pete. He sees me from across the room and desperately does his silly, clumsy crawl over to me while repeating “mum! Mumah, maaahm, mama!” It’s music to my ears. 

And his expressions! Oh, his silly expressions! When he wakes up, he’s a grump with a poochy-lip. Or, at least that’s what he looks like.  But really, he’s just taking it all in and observing the world around him.  And at other times, he is a super, smiley little guy, with a giggle that will stop you in your tracks. But, what will really get you is his Stinker-Face.  He scrunches his nose and purses his lips while breathing noisily in and out of his nose.  You can’t not laugh at his silly little face.  He may only be 7.5 month old, but there is no one quite like Peter. 

But, how can I finish off this blog post without mentioning my sweet girls.  Sarah and Maddie have blossomed into sweet, big sisters.  They adore their little brother and help their mom out all the time! Sarah “baby sits” while Maddie is at school.  She plays on the floor with Peter while I am watching from the next room and reports to me, “Mom! Peter is on the tile!” or, “Mom! Is this a baby toy? Peter has it!” She cares so much for him and wants him to be safe.  Maddie anticipates my needs and helps me with diaper changes, placing the mat on the floor, handing me the wipes and diaper and then bringing the dirty diaper to the trash for me: all without being asked. But, outside of their big-sister achievements, they are so much more! 

Both Maddie and Sarah are so intelligent! Sarah can recognize several letters and numbers at the tender age of 3. She can spell her name and is a skilled artist.  We are consistently impressed with her pictures she draws for us.  Maddie has a memory like no one I’ve ever known. She has excelled with her Bible Memory Verses at Awana and is on track to finish not only her first book, but the whole extra credit book, too! She participated in a verse-a-thon earlier in the year and said 29 verses in one night! Maddie has so much depth to her personality: she loves deeply, cares for people, wants to be friends with every one she meets, cheers excitedly when others win, even when she doesn’t, but she has a child-like playfulness and joy to her, as well. Sarah is our chatty talker (she always has been!). Everything that comes out of her mouth makes us smile and giggle.  Every morning, we avoid stepping on the “fire monsters” (i.e. yellow lines painted in the parking lot) outside of the preschool per Sarah’s instruction.  She tells us stories about her funny dreams she has, which really are just stories she makes up in her head.  Sarah sings songs she wrote herself about “Auntie and Mommy going ice skating” and plays quietly and calmly with her toys when she is home (while Maddie is at school).  She loves loves loves babies and is going to make a really good mommy one day and she is currently looking at me and asking, “what mom?” in response to my loving gaze at her gorgeous face while I type this and think about all the things I love about my second-born.  

These three children: their daddy and I are so blessed.  God truly has given us the desires of our hearts, yet it is better than I could have ever imagined.